Moon's Opening Day GoF Speech + Behind the Scenes

Welcome to The Gathering of Friends! You know, Mark Twain once said,

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval."

My fellow gamers, I approve of myself and I am very comfortable to have the elite in boardgaming here with me to share in this gaming adventure.

During the next few days you will have the priviledge and enormous responsibility of deciding what games will be the hot items during the coming year.

It is your talent and foresight that will guide the masses to the better "designer" games, the one's truly worthy of playing.

You know, it wasn't too long ago that we all were at the mercy of corporate America as they thrust their poorly playtested "toys" into our game rooms and we were forced to play these games. But no longer!

The European model of style and class has slowly crept upon our shores and showed us that gaming can be intelectually stimulating , elegant, balanced and not a toy for a "man child" to play.

You know, I was sharing an ice cream with a member of the "Old Guard" last night while playing a new prototype variant of "Ticket to Ride". I had to pause from the excitement of the game and reflect with him what I have done.

I said, By God, I have built a boardgaming Empire, second to none! The wheels began to spin in my head and I realized that the Gathering must again be revamped, I can not continue to let just anyone in, I must now require 4 references, an FBI background check, a gaming proficiency exam, and a signed statement of loyalty to the Gathering and the Old Guard.

(a slight smile) Those of you with Red Badges, please do not approach me, you have entered the realm of the Elite but that does not mean you can hold court with the King.

Gentlemen, we are the elite, we are the chosen few that lead this hobby and determine its destiny. The sales figures I hold here from "Ticket to Ride" and all its incarnations prove that!

(tears and thunderous applause from the audience, chicken hats fly in the air)

(Alan smiles and steteches his arms out)

My friends, PLAY!!!

Oh my god! I think Eugene just popped a boner.

This is Alan Moon's Security Center where his staff monitors the behavior of the "Red badge" attendees.

Any slight misbehavior and the Red Badge attendee risks not getting invited back to The Gathering of Friends!

Here is a picture of Frank Branham at his first Gathering. He is being stopped by Gathering security because he lost his Red badge at Graeter's Ice Cream Shop

The Ladies are out in force this year at the Gathering! Here a disappointed red badger gets shut out of the "Ticket to Ride " Tourney!

Absolutely brilliant!!

And here's Steve carrying sour grapes around because he's never been invited.

Two quick facts-

1) Frank really does look like Greg Allman.
2) He can sing the hell out of "Ramblin' Man"

Put two and two together and...

And here's Steve carrying sour grapes around because he's never been invited.

You are quite wrong sir, that is not me but he is one of Alan's winemakers, you know one of those guys that crushes the grapes with his feet?

But alas, this poor chap was fired for sitting down on the job!

Mr Wiggin: Good morning, gentlemen. This is a twelwe-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...

First City Gent: Excuse me....

Mr Wiggin: Hm?

First City Gent: Did you say knives?

Mr Wiggin: Rotating knives, yes.

Second City Gent: Are you proposing to slaughter our tenants?

Mr Wiggin: Does that not fit in with your plans?

First City Gent: No, it does not. We asked for a simple block of flats.

Mr Wiggin: Oh, I see. I hadn't correctly divined your attitude towards your tenants. You see I mainly design slaughter houses. Yes, pity. Mind you, this is a real beaut. I mean, none of your blood caked on the walls and flesh flying out of the windows, inconveniencing the passers-by with this one. I mean, my life has been building up to this.

Second City Gent: Yes, and well done, but we want a block of flats.

Mr Wiggin: May I ask you to reconsider. I mean, you wouldn't regret it. Think of the tourist trade.

First City Gent: No, no, it's just that we wanted a block of flats, not an abattoir.

Mr Wiggin: Yes, well, of course, this is just the sort blinkered philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist. (shouting) You excrement! You lousy hypocritical whining toadies with your lousy colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking, purulent knees and begged me!

Second City Gent: Well, we're sorry you feel like that but we, er, did want a block of flats. Nice though the abattoir is.

Mr Wiggin: Oh shove the abattoir, that's not important. But if any of you could put in a word for me I'd love to be a freemason. Freemasonry opens doors. I mean, I was...I was a bit on edge just now, but if I were a mason I'd sit at the back and not get in anyone's way.

First City Gent: (waves him away) Thank you.

Mr Wiggin: I've got a second-hand apron.

Second City Gent: Thank you.

Mr Wiggin: (going to door but stopping) I nearly got in at Hendon.

First City Gent: (exasperated) Thank you!

That motivational speech should now be dubbed in over every movie that contains a moving speech. Just imagine the possibilities as Alan Moon brings his elegance to not just board games but movies and even literature.

I would like to say hello to all of the members of the Gathering reading this thread! Enjoy!

and then...

WAKE UP!!!

This sounds like a classic horseback speech. I'm rallied. For what, I don't know, but I'm rallied.

@ Ken: That was awesome and a propos. Hehe!

"Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, but it expresses a courage little seen in this day and age." -- Olson Johnson