Welcome back to another edition of the Snack Attack. This is my own little, dark, corner of the Fort where I get to discuss something that I think everyone can relate to: food! Well, I hope you can relate to it. Otherwise you’re either A) Dead or B) Possibly a baby that still eats flavored goop from a jar. In either case you’re probably not one of our readers.
Last time we looked at a cheap and spicy, under the radar, corn chip offered exclusively from Aldi’s Supermarkets. I hope a few of you summoned up the courage to sample those things, because they’re still The Citizen Kane of snacks as far as I’m concern. This week I’m going to explore something very near and dear to my heart: Popcorn. More specifically, American Farmer’s Slim N’Light Kettle Popped Corn.
I’ve always loved popcorn. It’s primarily thought of as a snack that is meant to be enjoyed while watching a movie. However, in recent years there has been a surprising amount of bagged popcorn snacks hitting supermarket shelves. Smartfood was the only real contender for as long as I can remember. Now you’ve got stuff like BoomChickaPop and others paving the way to a buttery era of popcorn ecstasy. Flavored varieties of popcorn have invaded the snack aisle and they're a great alternative to chips at your game nights.
One of my favorite things to get at a fair or an amusement park is the salty and sweet treat that is Kettle Corn. For years you couldn’t really get anything that matched the fresh popped flavor that was found at fairs. Sure some of the big microwave popcorn fat cats tried their hand at recreating Kettle Corn, but I always found the flavor to be artificial and lackluster. Imagine my surprise when I ripped open a bag of American Farmer’s Slim N’Light Kettle Popped Corn and found it to be the closest to the real deal that I’ve ever come across!
The reason kettle corn is so damn tasty/addictive is because it combines both of the deadly food flavors: saltiness and sweetness. However, in order for it to taste right it needs to be in a perfect Ying-Yang alignment where neither flavor dominates. Only when there is absolute harmony will the kettle corn flow! Well, I’m pleased to let you know that the warlocks and wizards at American Farmer have the formula perfected! Each handful of their kettle corn provides bursts of buttery, sugary, popped corn, with just the right amount of salt to even things out on your palate. Actually, I’m pretty sure the secret ingredient to this stuff is heroine because it’s damn near impossible to stop eating it.
If I bring a bag of this to a game night, there is absolute NO CHANCE of it surviving. This popcorn is like the stoner kid in a slasher flick, doomed within thirty minutes. Once the bag is cracked open and its sweet scent fills the air, a feeding frenzy occurs. Seemingly within minutes the bag is emptied of its tasty treasures and everyone is craving more.
Honestly, once I start eating this popcorn I cannot stop. Outwardly I’m trying to let everyone have their fair share, but in my mind I’m thinking about fastening the bag to my face! For all of you dog owners out there that know what it’s like when you put some grilled meat/human food into the dog’s bowl…that is how I am with this popcorn. I INHALE it like some unseen human master is going to seize it away from me. I shove buttery fistfuls into my gullet like I'll never taste something this delicious ever again and after it's all gone I’ll resign myself to the thought of eating dry kibble for the rest of my days. The only thing that could make this popcorn better was if someone scratched me behind the ears afterwards. Luckily, I'm not Fido and a quick trip to the store can bring me back to popcorn nirvana.
Obviously this stuff gets a big recommendation from me. Anytime food brings out your base animal instincts it’s got to be good. Perhaps the best part about this popcorn is that despite being delicious it’s not all that bad for you. A serving size is two and half cups and that only has 120 calories in it. So if you’re inclined to eat the whole damn bag by yourself it’s not the end of the world. Next time you’re in the market check your snack aisle for the bright pink popcorn bag with Benjamin Franklin’s somber mug plastered on it. If you’re a lover of popcorn I’m essentially introducing you to the snack version of cocaine. Just remember who your snack “Pusherman” is. Enjoy!